first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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