New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
