he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
BRING THE BAGELS
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
