Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
