I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He felt like a one man threesome
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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