Got a toothbrush?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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