He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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