At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
