And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
