I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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