Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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