im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
