i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
