He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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