Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
