And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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