I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
