were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
