are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
