I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
