I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
