none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
