what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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