So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
