i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
