dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
