I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
