I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize