Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My liver just broke up with me...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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