Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm just crazy horny about you
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
