I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dear god my vagina.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
