So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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