curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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