he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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