Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
