yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just had sex bonerless
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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