I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
