I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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