1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
