Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
