Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
