ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
