I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
