I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i now understand why vodka
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
