Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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