Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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