You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
