Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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