dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
be right there i have to get my cape
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
