hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the day after is always just damage control
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
