I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
