porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
