I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
