there's paper in my vomit.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
