please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize