my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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