did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
