Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
