How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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