Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
