did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
