your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
