Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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