this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
