Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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