Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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