Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
