He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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