did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
