it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
