just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
